Dear 2011,

December 31, 2011

Oh, 2011. You went by much too fast. Your older brother, 2010, was a real asshole. He really fooled me too; I was all hopeful at first but then realized the changes I was so excited about were not what I wanted AT ALL. Took me a little while to figure that out though. And a 4-day stay in the hospital to boot. So yeah, I guess the bar was set pretty low for you, but you exceeded all expectations. More changes, but this time for the better, led to a healthier and happier me. Dare I say, you’re right up there with 1993 and 2007 for best years ever.

You weren’t so good to my friends though. Damn, isn’t it funny how you work like that? You were even an ass to my husband. (And ironically, 2010 was awesome for him while it sucked for me.) Some of my close friends really struggled this past year, and I’m sure they are as happy to see you go as I am sad. I can only hope that 2012 finds them happier and more at peace.

I don’t make “resolutions.” Instead, I make a list of things I hope to accomplish. Which I guess is sort of the same thing, only it’s not. Because I don’t look at it as a means of listing things I want to change about myself; it’s simply a list of things I hope to make happen. You know I always have to have a project. So, I have to apologize for this past year. You were really awesome to me. Maybe too awesome? Or maybe I was just too ambitious for my own good. At the top of my 2011 list was “have more fun.” And I did! Maybe all that fun distracted me from most everything else on the list that I had hoped to accomplish (granted, it was a pretty large list though). Or maybe I accomplished the only goal that really mattered anyway?

You were full of surprises though; and I actually accomplished a few things I never even set out to accomplish. My second goal for 2011 was to “create more.” That’s pretty open-ended, I know. I’m not even sure what I had in mind at the time. But early in the year a group of friends and I made a little documentary about Atlanta. It was something I had never done before, and it ended up being screened at a little film thingy in town. It also introduced me to a few new people. And, it gave me something new to be very proud of.

And of course, there was also the music. I had sworn off music in 2010. Thought I needed a break, blah blah blah. But oh my goodness, was I ever unhappy without my music. So I dove back in, not so much headfirst, but slowly, and with a completely different outlook than I had before. Remember the “fun” I spoke of? With that as my primary motivation, I found playing was much more enjoyable. I still find the need to turn it into a project. But hey, I wrote some of the best songs I’ve ever written, in my opinion, so it would seem like a bit of a waste not to document them. Hopefully I’ll finish doing just that in 2012.

I remember at the end of 2007, I was on the South Carolina coast celebrating with my family, and I commented on how sad I was to see that year end. I’m feeling much the same today. Not that 2012 isn’t going to be exciting. It’s going to be a big year, for sure. HUGE. I’m having a big big birthday and I’m already freaking out about it even though it’s six months away. There’s a lot of talk of big changes in 2012. And even talk of everything coming to an end. All that’s just way too much for me to even try to get my head around. But it has me thinking, with this past year being so amazing, it would be easy to put a lot of pressure on 2012. It’s just another year. Hopefully, there will be more. So maybe I shouldn’t think of everything I didn’t accomplish this year, and everything I hope to accomplish next year. Instead, maybe I should look back on this past year and think of all I learned. And take those things with me into the new year.

1. I learned that I have to create to be happy. That’s a big one, and I don’t think I’ll soon forget it.
2. I learned that even though I can be introverted and I really love my alone time, I’m a really social person. I need people around me. I need to communicate with people. Otherwise I feel, well, kinda like I’m dying.
3. I learned that there are no guarantees and despite our best laid plans, sometimes shit just happens. Sometimes you just have to roll with it. As I get older, I’m becoming more and more zen. It sounds hippie dippie. But starting each day with a little bit of yoga and meditation has done wonders for me, and helped me just let things happen without trying to control it all. So this is probably the biggest thing I’m taking with me into 2012. The understanding that sometimes the best reaction to something is to just let it be. And that things really will be ok.

Thanks 2011. You taught me a lot. You were a ton of fun. I’ll miss you.

xoxoxyz,
Kim