2010 – The Year I Stopped

January 8, 2011 — 2010, 2011, creative, friends, geminis, love, nerdkween

(Note – This post has been stirring around in my brain for a while now. But it evolved from a musical recap of sorts to something more personal, that just sort of poured out of me. So, I’m going with it.)

"Auld Lang Syne" photo by Matt Katzenberger

Early in 2010, I made a decision to take a break from music. I decided my “last show” would be on my birthday, June 17. I was burnt out, frustrated, constantly finding I had to much on my plate, tired. I needed a break. It was time.

Most of my friends joked about it, placing pretend bets around how long I’d stay away. I think they’re all pretty surprised that I really did quit it, all of it, even my labor of love, my record label that I started 10 years ago.

But today, perhaps inspired by the fantastic set by my friend Nerdkween last night, or maybe just out of boredom, I picked up my guitar and wrote a new song, almost instantly. I like to think my best songs come out that way. With little effort. But maybe I’m completely fooling myself. Regardless, this song is about change, getting away, starting anew. Probably a common theme bouncing around creative people’s heads in the new year.

But while I was writing that song, I realized something about last year. Mainly, the latter half of last year. Sure, perhaps I did need that break. It really had gotten to be too much. But, I just STOPPED. And I don’t just mean stopped playing music. I stopped being myself.

I have a friend who I don’t talk to near enough, but I like to call him my “Jimini twin” (the misspelling is intentional, as his name is Jimi. And he’s a Gemini, like me). We have an awful lot in common, and I remember him telling me about his self-imposed break from music that occurred a few years ago, and how it made him completely miserable. He didn’t know what to do with himself. I’ve started to worry that’s also happening to me. (And Jimi, if you read this, I’ll allow you the “I told you so!” that you most certainly deserve.)

I guess creative people need to create. Just a little over a month after I “slowed down,” I got so sick I ended up in the hospital. Maybe that had absolutely nothing to do with my break from music. But, I can’t help but believe it may have had something to do with me just not being myself.

This is not a “coming out of retirement” announcement. Instead, it’s more of a pledge to myself to just be ME. I’m quirky, creative, busy, and generally all over the place. This drives me—and surely my husband, family, and close friends—a little crazy at times. But, it’s me. And while it might sound a little goofy, I kinda miss me.

So here’s to being myself this year. Whether that means finding a new passion or going back to an old one, I have a feeling that’s going to make all the difference. Happy new year, everyone.